Toested Bread

Toested Bread for sale, anyone?

In my blogging hiatus for more than a year, I stumbled upon my old blog (www.dosflame.blogspot.com). It brought back memories. I never thought I am so happy-go-lucky and child-like before, the person who's willing to flash his butt in front of people. Gee, nakakahiya ako dati.

Maybe I am in the present process of maturing. I'm 21 and need to face the real world with a thick face. Sabi nga ng lola ko nung tinanong ko sya kung pano matatanggal ang hiya, "Edi gawin mong tabla ang mukha mo..." It made me laugh, seriously. My lola's so wacky, so cool and so youthful. Who would've thought she's 82?

Back to topic. I'm way healthier than before, I used to be 220 pounds with a 38" waistline, now I tip the scales at 170 pounds and a 33" waistline. Considering my 170cm height, I am still overweight, but the good thing is I am shedding my baby fats that's making me a "baby."

If this is an Oscar speech, I will thank depression for letting me win the "Best Weight Loser." Yes, I got depressed the entire month of July. I won't divulge more as it remains in secrecy. Let's just call it a breakup of sort. Just imagine what kind of relationship is it but I guess your answers won't be correct. It's a too complicated for a typical relationship. Tipong "pang-pelikula;" if there's a pun intended.

That depression sort of solidly punched me in the face that I am not acting according to my age. Well, not acting, but living. I live in my own imagination, trying to force myself that this is this and that is that. Facts are existent in me but I always try to put a different perspective on it. Like a child, very child-like, childish, infantile.

I was in my high school when I first felt the aroma of love. Oh, the sweet aroma of love She's nice, pretty, wonderful, intelligent, lucid, etc... (add all those adjectives that never seem to run out when someone's in love.). I never got the courage to express it as all I think was love=sex. Oh, don't try to paint a bad picture of me. I mean, I think when someone is in love, sex is always a part of it. I don't mean I am afraid of sex but considering my age, it's funny seeing me control my raging hormones. Anyway, sex is existent in married life but for a puppy, innocent love way back the adolecent years, romantic love is romantic love. NO sugarcoating, just it. I may just be a poor eccentric boy that time afraid to be judged by the princess I have my eyes melting for.

When I was young, I always spend my afternoons with my grandfather. It is either in his workshop fixing things, at the living room watching boxing and news or in the dining room eating dinner with him, I was always fascinated how he sees things. For an innocent boy, his life experiences are too far-fetched. I somehow embodied his perspective in life which made me more eccentric to the people my age. I can remember my classmates referring me as "the boy who talks about war." Gee, my grandfather really made me a post-war veteran, and a genocide fanatic for that...

21 is the age when males feel the freedom they all waited for. Freedom to choose, to live the life they wanted, to sin and to commit things their mothers will cry for. As for me, I surely felt the freedom but somehow, I'm still hanging, never willing to take the plunge. I still have the undeveloped wings of adulthood and now I can't catch up. Buti pa ang manok, pwede injectionan ng hormones.

Metaphorically, I'm like a toested bread, burnt on the outside yet soft inside.